When I first started to study psychology, it was like Saul on the road to Damascus. A complete awakening. Instead of reading History French or English which I saw as a continuation of school, I could study people and talk to people, something I had being doing most of my life and now I could get a degree in it.

I was an only child and when I was let out all I wanted to do was talk. After my first degree I then embarked on studying clinical psychology and quickly learned that to be effective as a practice psychologist I had to remain silent and learn the power of listening.

I remember attending a lecture by the famous psychologist Sir John Whitmore where he placed the audience in pairs facing each other in silence. All we had to do was look at the person opposite and work out what we thought of them. People squirmed, shifting in seats, averting eyes, profoundly uncomfortable.

Even more telling was in the absence of talking, partners made up stories about the person they faced, becoming judgemental and not in a good way. I was aware as a result of that exercise that we judge the people around us even when we never actually talk to them.

When you are out and about, ask people at bus stops, stations, cafes what they do,where they do it and just listen in silence and learn.

Silence is very important when you coach as it provides thinking space for both coach and client. But to be able to sit in silence requires relaxation, to hold a gaze needs openness and trust with a complete lack of judgement.

Silence’s sister is listening. You listen with ears and eyes, always focussing on understanding. What is like to be the person in front of you, in their life.

So on this day of celebrating silence, look, listen and learn the power of shutting up.